


i don't feel adequate, feeling like a monster in disguise

by tommyshepherdd (atimeforflores)



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Young Love, crush on big brothers friend trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 11:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8160976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atimeforflores/pseuds/tommyshepherdd
Summary: He hesitantly raised on hand to feel his lips, surprised that he wanted to feel that pressure again. 
Oh.





	

The first time that Wally had met Jason was also coincidentally the first time that Wally was allowed at Wayne Manor. It had taken months of pleading on Dick’s part, along with a promise from Uncle Barry that Wally not use his speed under any circumstances for Mr. Wayne- call him Bruce -to even consider letting Wally inside city limits. Even then it was three more agonzing months until he was invited over to Dick’s “house”.

  


The butler at the front door- Dick had a butler! -was an elderly gentleman named Alfred who Wally would not want to cross. He calmly led Wally through a maze of the front foyer to the family room past the trophy room until they reached the staircase. From there they proceeded to the second floor, down three hallways and past at least five bathroom until he stopped in front of a door that was slightly crooked and painted in a multitude of colors. Alfred knocked once before the door was jerked open and a small hand darted out, grabbing Wally by his collar and pulling him head first into what he was really hoping was Dick’s room. It turned out, it was, at least from what Wally could tell from where he landed face first on a carpet that probably cost more than Wally’s entire home.

  


“Hey.” Dick whispered at him urgently, “No one else saw you come in, right?”

  


Wally flipped himself on his back, staring up at Dick with a slightly confused expression. Dick glared at his door, as if daring another person to knock. Wally watched, becoming even more confused, as Dick flipped the lock on his doorknob. 

  


“I mean, there was Alfred.” Wally told him, finally sitting up. 

  


“No,” Dick hissed, flapping his hands at Wally’s obliviousness, “I mean any smaller versions of me.”

  


“Wait,” Wally said, a grin firmly settling on his face, “Are you telling me you have little siblings?”

  


Dick glared at him, “I’m telling you I have demons. Timmy bit this morning when I tried to get the last of the Wheat Thins. He can’t even eat wheat!”

  


It was at that moment that Dick’s door flew open, soundly hitting the 14 year old in the nose. Dick fell back with a groan, clutching at his face as a flurry of curses flew out of his mouth. In the doorway stood three boys, and each sort of looked like Dick. All had blue eyes and dark hair at least- ignoring the fact that each was obviously a different ethnicity. 

  


“Dad told you not to lock the door.” The second smallest said, taking his thumb out of his mouth to talk. The words whistled through the gap where two teeth were supposed to be. 

  


“Get out!” Dick shouted in response, throwing a shoe at the group. It hit the tallest boy in the chest. He looked unimpressed. 

  


Wally watched the chaos unfold, vaguely amused. He was also happy that he was currently an only child. 

  


It took five more minutes for Dick to convince his brothers to leave, and they only did so under the threat of Dick telling Bruce that they were bothering him and that they broke his door- again. 

  


There was a small voice in the back of Wally’s mind, one that whispered lies and told him that he’d never get a family like this. That when Barry and Iris would have their own children that they would tire of him and throw him back to the wolves. He pushed it away, pulling Dick into a headlock and giving him a noogie.

  


Those worries could wait for another day.

  


…

  


The second time that Wally met Jason was almost a year later. He had been back to the Manor a handful of times since the first time, but Dick managed to schedule their hang out times when most of his siblings were busy. On one of those times, Wally even got to meet Cassandra- Dick’s sister. Wally thought he was going to lose count of the kids Mr. Wayne took in, and decided to just stop counting all together. 

  


Dick hadn’t been answering any calls from anyone in Young Justice. It was like he had fallen off the map. The silence was more than slightly unnerving. The youngest member of Young Justice always seemed to be spamming them with inside jokes and bad puns. Even if they turned their comms off and were assured that they were hack proof. 

  


Wally snuck into Gotham after three weeks of silence, under the cover of dark. He tried to limit his powers, even if he was wearing the night suit that supposedly made it impossible for others to see him. He kept an extra eye out of the Bats. Just because he ate chicken pot pie with the man didn’t mean he had permission to be in his city. 

  


He was drawn to the alleyway that Jason was smoking in by the faint moans he heard. Before he saw the younger boy, he saw the large man on the ground clutching at his abdomen. He was a large dude, and didn’t seem like he would go down easily. 

  


“Shouldn’t have tried to hurt Miss Spice, she’s a nice lady.” A voice said from the shadows, startling Wally. Jason emerged from behind a dumpster, cigarette in his mouth and lighter in his hand. 

  


Wally tried to remember the younger boy’s name but only succeeded in drawing a blank. The boy had gotten taller since the last time Wally saw him, and looked like he thinned out too. There wasn’t much baby fat left on his cheeks. Seeing someone that wasn’t Dick in the Robin suit was jarring.

  


“No metas in Gotham.” the boy reminded him.

  


“Robin hasn’t been answering our calls.” Wally responded lightly, eyes travelling to take in the young teen’s attire. 

  


“That’s because there’s a new Robin.” Jason said, pushing a strand of dark hair out of him face. 

  


“And your brother?” Wally asked. 

  


Jason hesitated for a moment, walking towards the man still cowering in pain. He delivered a swift kick to the man’s chest before answering. “I’m told he can be found in Bludhaven, working as Nightwing.”

  


Wally watched the kid for a few more seconds. He looked young, too young to be out on the streets by himself. But, he supposed, that's how Bats tested to see if his sidekicks were truly ready. He had heard about the time or two that Dick had turned around and Bruce was gone. This time, however, it seemed like Dick left Bruce behind. 

  


“Thanks.” Wally told Jason, finally recalling his name. He turned to run, prepared for the trip to Bludhaven, when Jason called him back.

  


“Kid Flash?” Jason questioned, as if he was afraid that he would be denied, “Tell Dick I’m sorry?”

  


…

  


Wally didn’t know what it was like to have younger siblings. His parents didn’t want him to begin with, let alone another mouth to feed. Barry and Iris said that they felt it was too early in their relationship to have kids; that was a fact that made Wally’s stomach twist itself into knots, self doubt and insecurities shouting that he was a burden and a strain on their relationship. 

  


Dick said it was terrible having siblings, and that Jason’s arrival was the worst. Before Jason, Dick had Bruce all to himself, and Alfred too. Before Jason no one seemed to question Bruce’s child rearing techniques and after it seemed to be the only thing people could talk about. Jason, Dick confided in him, wasn’t like the other kids Bruce took in. His parents didn’t die like Dick and Bruce’s, a senseless act of violence. They didn’t go like Tim’s, perishing in a place crash that no one could fault. Bruce picked up Jason because he seemed no one else would. That’s what Wally figured Dick was jealous of. 

  


It wasn’t that Dick was a bad big brother, just a harsh one. When Jason joined Young Justice, only months after he took up the Robin mantle, Dick pushed him harder than he ever pushed anyone before. Jason would train longer, and take shorter breaks. He was up before everyone else, training until it looked like he would pass out from exhaustion. 

  


It was one of those days that Jason looked like he was going to collapse on the floor that everything really seemed to boil over. Both Jason and Dick were hotheads, and their clashing personalities didn’t help matters either. 

  


Jason slipped while on the high bars that afternoon, never able to grasp the effortless grace that Dick possessed. The boy’s brute strength seemed to work against him. He landed hard, the room going silent as he cried out in pain. He cradled his arm to his chest, it obviously bent at an awkward angle. 

  


Wally watched in a detached way as Dick seemed to turn around in slow motion. Everything was slow, but the way that Dick’s face transformed from annoyed to worried was stretched out in minutes. 

  


“Jay?” Dick broke protocol, forgetting about their secret identities in that moment. He rushed to Jason’s side, trying to help him up. The hurt look on his face when Jason flinched away would have been comical if it didn’t morph into anger. 

  


“Don’t fucking touch me!” Jason told him through gritted teeth. He unsteadily wobbled to his feet, face paling from the pain. 

  


“I’m just trying to help!” Dick snapped back. He looked torn between throttling his brother and comforting him. 

  


The decision was took from him when Jason stormed out of the room, throwing an offhand, “You’ve done enough.” behind his back. 

  


The training room was silent, and the air felt heavy. Wally easily snuck out, tracking Jason down to the roof where he was waiting for Batman to pick him up in the Batplane. Someone had made him a sling and splinted the break, and Wally suspected that it might have been Artemis. 

  


“Hey.” Wally said, sitting down next to Jason. Jason turned his face away, trying to hide the tears that were slipping out from under his mask. 

  


“Can’t teleport with broken bones.” Jason said, voice tight, “Might screw ‘em up even more.”

  


“Not a big fan of the teleporter to begin with.” Wally confided. “It’s a bit too much like a dry swirly to me.”

  


Wally hoped that that would get a laugh, but the best he got was a snort. 

  


“I’m sure you get a lot of those.” Jason muttered. 

  


“Yeah.” Wally said, “I don’t have a big brother protecting me.”

  


Jason laughed at that, “I think Dick would be the one to give me a swirly. Not the one stopping it.”

  


Wally just shrugged his shoulders. He was sure Dick could come up with something better than that. 

  


“I just don’t get why he hates me so much.” Jason said after a moment of silence. “I didn’t ask for any of this shit. If he’s not ignoring my existence, he’s trying to prove how much of a failure I am.”

  


“You’re not a failure.” Wally told him, nudging his arm and immediately regretting it after Jason let out a gasp of pain. “Not a lot of people can eat a whole batch of M’gann’s cookies and live to tell the tale.”

  


Jason’s response was cut off by the engine roar of the Batplane as it docked in its landing zone. He waved goodbye to Wally as he got to his feet and climbed aboard the plane with Batman’s help. Wally then sped back to the training room, glad that no one asked him where he went. 

  


It was that night that Wally was laying in bed, just thinking about the way that Jason seemed so heartbroken at Dick’s behavior. He promised himself that if he ever got a little sibling that he would make them feel as welcome as possible. 

  


…

  


After that conversation Jason started to act oddly around Wally. Wally would find him staring at some points, only to look away when he was caught. He would also laugh at Wally’s jokes. All of them. Including the bad ones. During the quiet nights where the team would just watch movies together in the living room, Jason would somehow always manage to get a seat next to Wally. A few times he had fallen asleep with his head on Wally’s shoulder. Dick always got a sort of constipated look on his face when he saw that, roughly shaking Jason awake or carrying him to the transporter. Wally couldn’t figure them out. 

  


“Wally?” Jason got his attention one morning after a late night of training. It was almost summer break and a Friday night so he let Barry and Iris know that he was going to bunk at Mount Justice pretty early the previous evening. 

  


Wally turned to see Jason standing in the threshold of the kitchen, still rubbing sleep out of one eye. Jason stared back, almost seeming defiant in the way he tilted his head.

  


“Yeah, what’s up?” Wally asked, turning just slightly to make sure his toast wasn’t going to burn. In the second that his eyes were away from Jason, however, it seemed that Dick had snuck into the kitchen and began rooting around in the fridge. Wally was amazed by how the skinny 13 year old he used to know grew into a muscled 16 year old who still had no manners. 

  


Jason eyed Dick for a minute before pushing on, “You know, I just turned 15.” 

  


Wally did know. He was there for the boy’s birthday party after all and the invitation was hand delivered by Jason. He had saved up for two weeks to get him the game he had talked about wanting. Bruce had gotten him the whole series but Jason told him it was the thought that counted. 

  


Wally nodded to encourage Jason to keep talking. 

  


“Well, Bruce said that I could start dating when I turned 15.” Jason spat out in a rush.

  


And, oh, that made sense. Jason wanted some advice on how to get a girlfriend, and who better to come to than Wally?

  


“Who’s the lucky girl?” Wally asked, pulling his bread out of the toaster. It was perfect, as usual. Now if only he knew where he put the cream cheese spread…

  


Jason kept talking as Wally pushed Dick out of the way to look through the fridge himself. Wally was solely focused on finding his favorite topping, however, blocking out the words that seemed to pour out of Jason’s mouth. Finally, he found it, spinning back to Jason with a shout of triumph. 

  


Jason was staring at him, looking both nervous and excited. 

  


Wally stared back confused. 

  


Dick stared at Wally, and slowly lifted a hand to make a throat cutting gesture. 

  


“Well?” Jason prompted. 

  


Wally couldn’t help but feel he missed something huge, but answered the unknown question anyways.

  


“I mean, yeah, sure.” He said. He hoped it was the right answer.

  


Judging by Jason’s extremely happy face it was. Judging by Dick’s stormy one, it wasn’t.

  


…

  


Wally still didn’t know what he agreed to four days later when Jason plopped himself down next to Wally on the couch. Wally had gotten sidetracked trying to finish his graduation project with the help of Uncle Barry- a five page essay on the good that forensic investigators did. 

  


Jason seemed to be ignoring him when he got back, even if he did push Garfield out of the way so he could claim the couch cushion beside Wally. The younger boy sat primly, as if he would need to jump up and away at any second. The tension didn’t lessen as Wally turned on a movie, nor as M’gann brought them a bowl of only half burnt popcorn. Wally was ready to burst with questions by the time Jason relaxed into the couch, and slightly against him. 

  


It was only minutes later that Wally felt the weight of Jason’s head on his shoulder. The stiffness in Jason’s body told that he was not asleep, however. Wally figured that the boy was just trying to get comfy, after all, the couch was from when Wally himself had started on the team. Perhaps it was time to mention to Bruce that they may need a new one. 

  


It was ten more minutes into the film that Jason started moving, as if he still couldn’t get comfortable. The kid’s head was starting to dig into Wally’s shoulder, making it numb. Letting out a sigh of frustration, Jason stopped moving, but he still didn’t look happy. 

  


“Hold on.” Wally muttered, shifting so he could pull his arm out from under Jason, and put it around his shoulders instead. “Better?”

  


From what he could see, Jason’s face was a bright red and he let out a frantic nod. Wally absentmindedly thought that it was a shame that Batboys had to wear masks, as Wally would like to see the blue eyes framed by dark lashes that he knew were hidden away. 

  


Dick walked in on them a few hours later, Jason all but asleep on Wally’s chest. Every few minutes Jason would talk to himself, saying that he was awake and didn’t need to go back to Gotham yet. It seemed that Dick was the one sent to collect him. 

  


Wally was puzzled by the glares Dick gave him, as he gathered his brother in his arms. Jason seemed to be going through another growth spurt, and it looked like he might be taller than Dick one day. 

  


“What’s your problem?” Wally yelled at Dick’s retreating back, ignoring the anger he felt welling up instead of himself. It wasn’t like he asked Dick to throw a tantrum and leave Jason fending for himself in a new team. The least he could do was help the kid out a bit. 

  


Dick didn’t answer him, shoving Jason roughly into the transporter as the younger boy sheepishly waved goodbye. 

  


Batboys were weird.

  


…

  


“Do you think it’s weird that I’ve never kissed anyone?” Jason asked one day as they sparred. It was the first week that he was allowed to fight again; the injury in his arm had him benched for almost three months.

  


“Nah,” Wally answered, not missing a beat, “You’re still young, you got time.”

  


Jason ducked out of the way of a punch Wally threw before responding. 

  


“Did you kiss anyone at my age?” Jason asked.

  


Wally paused for a moment, giving Jason the perfect opportunity to kick Wally in his unguarded chest. When Wally could breathe again he answered, “Just Artemis. And we all know how that ended.”

  


Jason didn’t know how that ended. He came onto the team after they had already broken up, but he definitely wasn’t going to ask for the details. 

  


“But what if I’m bad at it?” Jason said. He had to drop into a crouch to miss an elbow to the face. 

  


“You could always practice. I remember those teddy bears in your bedroom.” Wally teased him. Jason turned bright red again, grumbling under his breath to himself. 

  


“Alright!” Dick yelled from the center of the room, getting everyone’s attention, “That’s enough for today.”

  


Jason followed closely on Wally’s tail out of the training room and into the locker room. He stared intently at Wally, chewing on his bottom lip. That was never a good sign.

  


“Do you need anything, Jay?” Wally asked softly, leaning towards him. Wally still had a good few inches on him, but he had a feeling that those too would soon be gone. 

  


“I-,” Jason began before cutting himself off. Something seemed to flicker from behind the domino mask, an emotion that Wally couldn’t place.

  


“Yeah?” Wally gently prodded, trying to see what was obviously bothering the second Robin. 

  


And then, quick as could be Jason darted forward, pressing a dry mouth kiss to Wally’s lip. It lasted hardly a second, but Wally’s lips tingled with warmth and something in his chest seemed to thud harder.

  


With that Jason turned on his heel and ran. Wally stood, shocked. He hesitantly raised on hand to feel his lips, surprised that he wanted to feel that pressure again. 

  


Oh.

  


…

  


Things changed after that. There was more of Jason pressed to his side, even if the boy looked like he had a bad sunburn when he did it. There were times, early in the morning when the sun wasn’t yet up and no one else was awake, that Jason would grab his hands, linking fingers through fingers. 

  


Wally didn’t question it. He liked the gentle touches, was guilty of enjoying it too much. He couldn’t help but feel like he was taking advantage of the younger boy. Wally had two years on him, along with having long ago figured out his own sexuality; which was who was hot and who was interested. 

  


Jason didn’t seem to mind if the way he curled himself into Wally’s side was any sign. 

  


One of those mornings before anyone else woke up found them on the Mount Justice dock. The sea made everything smell salty, but it at least vanquished some of the putrid smell coming from Jason’s cigarette. Wally would make him wash his mouth out before getting any kisses. 

  


“Bruce hates me.” Jason said quietly. He didn’t seem too sad about it. It was like a fact to him.

  


“I’m sure he doesn’t.” Wally replied. He pulled Jason tighter towards him, gripping his waist. 

  


“He thinks I killed a man.” Jason confided in him. Jason didn’t seem to upset about that fact either. 

  


“Did you?” Wally asked. 

  


Jason never answered. 

  


Jason continued to stay at Mount Justice, locked away in his room. He refused to return to Gotham, and Dick didn’t seem to be talking to him either. There were rumors even that Tim was beginning his training to become Robin. 

  


It all came to a head one day, when Wally found him packing a hastily arranged suitcase. 

  


“Where’re you going?” Wally asked. He noticed that Jason’s nails were chewed off, and the entire room smelled of smoke. 

  


“To find my family.” Jason said shortly. He had aged a few years in what had only been a few months. Gone was every semblance of a young boy. In his place was a lightly muscled teen. As an act of rebellion, Jason had even bleached his fringe. 

  


“Your family’s here.” Wally told him. It was true, the team had rallied around the second Robin. Some could say that they were closer to him than they were to Dick. Old members and new alike liked Jason. He was a legacy of all that they worked towards. 

  


Jason slammed the top of the suitcase shut, “I don’t have anyone here.”

  


Wally, feeling hurt, snapped back, “Well, when you want to stop acting like a child, you know where to find me.”

  


He sped out of the room, and away from Jason. It was their first real fight. 

  


…

  


He got the call later that night. 

  


His chest felt tight, and his heart felt like it had crumbled upon itself in his chest. Nothing felt real. Nothing could be real.

  


Jason was dead. 

  


Left behind was a note on his unmade bed. Wally almost destroyed it when he set his eyes on it. Instead, he read it over and over again, ingraining it to his mind. 

  


“ _ Wally, _

  


_ These past few months have been some of the best of my life. I never could have thought that when my brother brought over his bright haired best friend that something life changing would happen. You’ve made me believe in myself and in others.  _

  


_ I’ll come running back to you in a few days.  _

  
_ Love, Jason.” _

**Author's Note:**

> I actually had a fun time writing this, and wouldn't mind expanding my work in this ship in the future
> 
> follow me on tumblr; gaysupersoldiers.tumblr.com


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